AT THE "J" JUNCTION
Since my last weblog, I have been communicating with 5"J's" and I don't mean birds. Perhaps a coincidence; perhaps not. I am in the process of learning how to bring the 5 sensory world and the subtle worlds together. As a writer I know that a Nawal is attached to each letter, each word and each writing. At this moment, the letter "J" is front and center in my life, in my relationship with the following individuals:
Jordan is my 5 year old granddaughter. She is in afternoon kindergarten and I watch her every Tuesday and Thursday morning before I walk her to school. Every Thursday afternoon I take her to speech therapy. She had delayed speech and is currently working with L and S sounds. She is the light of my life and, as her speech improves, so does mine. She gives me unconditional love and lots of laughter. We have a special bond as I also did with my paternal grandmother.
Why did I offer to take Jordan to speech therapy every Thursday afternoon at 3 PM? She and I have a parallel structure. She doesn't have difficulty speaking but she isn't always understood. I choose to have difficulty expressing my real feelings and my words are not always understood. I am continually seduced by, feel more comfortable and safe, in the 5 sensory world, when I really want to share my conscious connection with the subtle world forces, to reveal the deeper, greater meaning of my life journey. When I connect to the energies of Word Woman, I access a stream of energy and light that allows me to perceive and feel the larger subtle world energies. When I communicate from this space, I am more readily understood. I will invoke this conscious connection to Word Woman and ask it to flow through me to connect to and assist her, through love, to speak more clearly as she works with the speech therapist.
Jorgina, who came with this name, is a rescue dog and my new "forever friend". She is a 2 year old, small, white Bichon Frise / Maltese mix. Last December, Animal Services picked her up off the streets of Bakersfield, a big city in the southern end of the San Joaquin Valley. Shortly after she entered the animal shelter, she birthed 6 pups. I acquired her on February 26 from a foster home, where she had been since the birth of the pups, all recently adopted, The foster home is located in Isleton, a tiny historic town on Andrus Island in the Sacramento / San Joaquin River Delta, for me a round trip journey of 502 miles. She has a sweet disposition but has been traumatized by her previous existence. She has not barked once and I wonder if she also had her vocal chords cut like my previous beloved dog,Isabella. We have just begun a period of mutual adjustment. I have resumed my relationship with the park as we walk there 3 or 4 times each day. I want that special "wild nature" love of an animal in my life and hope that she develops an unconditional love for me in the near future. I loved her the first time I saw her.
What does Jorgina represent at the subtle subconscious level? How can I assist her in this period of adjustment? To the Tz'utujiil Maya the dog represents the 20th day, Tz'i. in the 20 day calendric cycle. The dog assists us to cross over into the other world, not just in death but also to gather information from the subtle world forces. The dog helps us to stay on the spiritual path, to make the spiritual connection and to bring together all the forces of love. This is why dogs hold such a huge energy of love. I want Jorgina to assist me to make this conscious connection. In return I will reciprocate and return the love back to her and we will live and love in a continual spiral of mutual, affectionate connection.
Jim Morrison, the late lead singer of The Doors, was a very close friend for 2 years in the mid 1960's. We met in the art library at UCLA. He majored in film and I majored in US History and minored in American Literature. We each had a lover and at that time my relationship with mine, Max Schwartz, was "off and on". During an "off" period, he asked both us to be in a student film entitled "First Love". Soon we all parted ways. I moved to San Francisco and Jim became a famous as a singer and later as a poet. We both walked on the wild side, the dark side of the street, and the dangerous ledges of life. He jumped of the edge into the great beyond, and I survived. Many years passed before I realized that he, as a poet and visionary storyteller, was a powerful muse for me. When he was just beginning his musical journey with The Doors, he asked me to write verses and said he would set them to music and I would receive royalties. At the time I did not believe that the band would become successful, turned him down and turned away from my calling as writer. The Jim I knew had vanished into sex, drugs, rock 'n roll and fame which, in a few short years, vanquished him. I have missed him and am constantly reminded of his presence in my life each time I see his picture which has been often in the last 20 years.
Why has he resurfaced at this time in my life? Jim was totally committed to his creative pursuits. He was a poet and filmmaker who became a singer/songwriter and he took every opportunity to interject his poetry into his music. He would have loved MTV. Almost 50 years ago he was teaching me, by example, to be faithful and true to my calling, Word Woman and my words. His poetry came from that unseen space of the subtle world forces, easily accessed by his extensive use of drugs, alcohol and sex. He was fearless; he stood on the world stage and sang and shouted his truths and visions. At a 5 sensory level, his first film, "First Love", was about my fractured love relationship. At a deeper level, perhaps the film was about his first love--words and poetry. My first love is Word Woman but I have fought this love all my adult life. Throughout the years since his death I have seen his image in many places and in my mind I hear him say, "Don't wait until it is to late." Now I know that when he offered to put my words to music, I said "No", because I did not believe in the power of my words. Now I ask my muses, including Jim, to assist me to make the connection to these subtle world forces so that I can share my truths and visions, gleaned from my life's adventures.
In September, 2012, I was put in touch with Jeff Finn, a filmmaker who is making a documentary about Jim. He has studied The Doors for 30 years and hopes to dispel some of the myths that surround Jim. He wants to document his life prior to his fame and "flame out". He is very interested in me because of the film, "First Love". Many people do not believe that Jim made that film. At that time, I agreed to a videotaped interview about my friendship with Jim. He came to San Luis Obispo County last weekend and we met for lunch. He was accompanied by his wife and co-producer, Jess; his 3 year old daughter, Zoe; and John, a high school friend of Jim's who now lives in this county. We decided to film in my garden cottage. I took him there and he set up the film equipment but the light was waning and and so my interview was conducted the following day. I enjoyed the experience. Jeff would like to to film me again at the exact spot on the UCLA campus where "First Love" was filmed. I have agreed. He hopes to have this documentary completed and screened on December 8, 2013, which is Jim's 70th birthday. My friends are asking me if I am ready for my "15 minutes of fame".
Why have Jeff and Jess Finn entered my life now? Jeff and Jess are committed to finding and filming the larger life awareness and meaning of Jim Morrison. They want to show his connection to the subtle world whence came his visions. This is why he remains a legend 50 years after his death. This year, 2013, I committed to bringing out the larger life awareness and meaning of my story. I want to share my visions and truths with the same dedication and energy that Jeff, Jess and Jim emit in their art and craft. The synchronicity screams!
Jules Minsky is a recently re-found friend from my days at UCLA. He and Max, my "off and on" lover at that time, relocated from New York to California to attend college. We became friends because of Max. (Max was also a poet and photographer who was dedicated to and practiced his arts all of his life. He carried a torch for me throughout his life and had possession of the original copy of the film, "First Love". He was also a friend of Jim's.) I had not had any contact with Jules for 42 years until last September. When I connected with Jeff Finn and agreed to be filmed for the documentary, I attempted to contact Max. The last time I had spoken to him, he was living in Woodstock, New York. His phone was now disconnected. A friend suggested I contact Jules because he was always in close contact with Max, and I did. He too lives near Woodstock and he told me that Max was in an assisted living facility and had advanced Alzheimer's disease. With the assistance of Jules, I made peace with Max just before he passed away last December. I feel it is now my turn to take possession of this film, "First Love". When I reconnected to Jules, I felt as if we had only just spoken yesterday, not 42 years ago. We plan to have a reunion later this year. One of life's great gifts is to reconnect with a long lost friend, especially one who helped heal the deep love wound between Max and myself.
Why has Jules come into my life at this time? What does he represent for me in the subtle world? He provides the motivating energy to bring these parts and people together. He has helped me to connect the dots to my past and my present, to step on up and out; to speak up and be heard; to claim my name in this part of my past.